I make Cookieburgers for a school function every year. Every time I make them at least two kids think they’re real.
Start by unwrapping two bags of these:
Stack them up all nice and tidy and set them aside. Now you’ll need some of these:
Buy two boxes. You don’t have to get Nilla wafers. Kroger-brand Swag Wafers work just as well. But make sure you buy two boxes of the same brand because each brand has a slightly different shape and size.
Now you need colored frosting: mustard yellow, lettuce-y green and bright tomato red. You can color your own frosting if you like, I often do. Any commercially available vanilla frosting will work. If you do that, please consider two pieces of advice from someone who has made a shit-ton of these in the past:
1. Buy an extra box of graham crackers.
2. Don’t make the red frosting.
Yeah, I know. Red frosting is easy! All you have to do is have a little patience and let it sit!
Screw that. This is supposed to be an easy project that you can do on a weeknight. Do you know how much food coloring it takes to make something look like ketchup? Enough to justify buying the pre-made red frosting. No one has time for that BS on a Wednesday.
Now, are you ready for the hard part?
Bloop some red frosting on there.
If you are using Wilton or Dec-a-Cake you will be using their frosting tips as well. Use the round tip for this. If you bought two boxes of wafers and two bags of peppermint patties, you will use the entire tube. If you DON’T use the entire tube, go back and bloop some more on each cookie because what the hell are you going to do with 1/4 c. of leftover red frosting?
Don’t be that person. Just use it all. It’s okay. You won’t get in trouble.
If you’ve used all your red, you will be done with the round tip. Rinse that out with hot water and do the same thing you just did, only now do it in yellow.
Now, remember those peppermint patties? Bust those out and go to town.
Next up is the fake lettuce. If you want to get fancy, you can use the leaf tip for this. (The leaf tip will look like a straight line with one side slightly wider.) If you don’t want to get fancy, just do some more blooping. It’s not going to make much of a difference.
Can you guess what’s next?
I recommend setting out as many cookies as you have peppermint patties before you start with the frosting. However you assemble these, you should have them all finished before you go on to the final step.
Actually, you can stop here if you like. These are fine as they are. But if you want to be a perfectionist, you can add the sesame seeds. in order to do that you will use…
Really, you can use anything you want. I use corn syrup because I have corn syrup. You could probably use agave syrup or malt syrup or whatever the hell you like. It just has to be sticky. If you use Karo syrup I recommend mixing a little bit of water in then microwaving it for about 5 seconds to thin it out.
Then use a pastry brush or even your clean fingers to dab a little bit on top of each cookieburger.
Then, stick a few seeds on.
And voila! Cookieburgers.
I let them sit overnight (or at least until the frosting has dried a little bit) before serving them but you don’t have to. You can stuff like, twelve of them into your mouth right now if you want. I won’t tell anyone.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!
Do you have leftover frosting? Did you also buy a box of graham crackers as I suggested?
Because if so, you are in LUCK.
Snap those graham crackers in half, bloop a bunch of frosting (maybe a tablespoon?) on one side of the cracker, then sandwich it together with the other half. Use as many graham crackers as you need finish up the frosting (you bought them for this very purpose). Now stack your frosting sandwiches neatly on a tray.
Once you’re done blooping and sandwiching, stick the whole tray in the freezer for at least 2 hours but longer is good. Once they’re nice and frozen you can zip them up into a bag but ours don’t really last that long. Graham cracker and frosting sandwiches are not good warm but something magical and delicious happens when they are frozen. Also, if your freezer is in the basement (as ours is) you can totally hide them from the kids.
Trust me on this.