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It’s 11:00 am and here I sit. In my bathrobe, tissues stuck up my nose wondering if there is anyway I can legally crawl back into bed without looking like a complete schlub.

No. I thought not.

Well, at least I can do something productive today. I will give you my recipe for home made pear brandy. It’s not that hard.

Are you ready? Here we go!

How to Make Fabulous Pear Brandy

Step 1 The next time you’re at the grocery store go buy two really big pears. They can be any kind of pears you like but I typically use Anjous because they’re huge and when ripened they get pretty juicy.

Step 2 Go home and put these pears in a window to ripen. This usually takes two or three days.

Step 3 Go get the (very important!) brandy. You can use anything you like here. I use E&J VSOP (VSOP = Very Special Old Pale) because it’s cheap but not so cheap that your liver fails you.

Step 4 Procure a a quart-sized mason jar and lid (the Goodwill is a great place to find old kitchen stuff.) Alternatively, you can use an glass mayo or large glass jam jar. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, use an old pickle or olive jar. You will not get the pickle/olive taste out. Trust me on this, I speak from experience.

Step 5 Are those pears ripe yet? You want them at the height of juicy. If they are still firm after two or three days, put them in a bowl with an apple or a banana. They will ripen up within a day or two. Make sure to check them often. You don’t want them over-ripe because they will make a huge mess.

Step 6 Pare the skin off of the pair of ripened pears (sorry, I had to.) Slice them up length-wise into about eight sections doing your best to take out the seeds without mushing up the fruit too badly.

Step 7a To make it pretty: Put the sections back together to form two Franken-pears. Stuff these into your mason jar. If they won’t fit well try putting the top one upside down.

Step 7b Eff that, I’m not Martha Stewart: Just cram the pears in the jar every-which way.

Step 8 Fill the jar with your brandy. Cover the top with a bit of plastic wrap before tightening the lid into place.

Step 9 Can you believe there are so many steps to this recipe? I mean, all you are doing is putting some ripe pears in a jar with brandy and already you’re on step NINE. Sheesh.

Step 9.1 Put the jar of brandy in the back of a cupboard and forget about it.

Step 10 Get a cold.

Step 11 Make a hot toddy remembering that “AHA! I HAVE Pear brandy!”

You can use the brandy straight from the pear jar or let it sit for a few months then strain out the pears and pour the brandy into a small bottle. I have a few pressure lid bottles I keep for this reason.