snickerpants.com

Ah, Christmas. EVERYONE loves Christmas, right?

Well, except for Osama bin Laden. I’m pretty sure he hates Christmas.

But aside from him and a few million other people that don’t really give a crap about the little baby Jesus’ birthday EVERYONE loves Christmas, right?

And if you work in my lab, how can you not?

I mean that literally.

We are 18 people (give or take a few work-study students) and we’ve had no less than THREE Christmas celebrations this month with the promise of another one in January (when people aren’t so busy, y’know?) We have had the department-wide Christmas party, a Christmas luncheon for our smaller group and, of course, the obligatory “Secret Santa” pot luck.

Ah, Secret Santa. EVERYBODY loves the Secret Santa, right?

All the worry about who’s name you’re going to draw and what if you get Lousy McJerk-face? What will you do then? You can’t stand that guy. OH GOD WHAT IF YOU GET MAVIS THE CAT LADY? You fret about and when you do draw a name you are secretly chanting “please let me get [insert your best friend at work here]” over and over again while you’ve got your fingers crossed but in the end you draw that guy from accounting that you barely knew even existed except for the fact that he once wore that Star Trek t-shirt you thought was funny.

Yeah, no.

This year, when asked if I wanted to draw a name for the gift exchange I said  “No. I want Marty’s name.”  At first that did not go over very well. Or rather, she did not understand me. I repeated myself. “Please dig through the names and give me Marty’s, I already have a present picked out for him.”  To her credit, she barely argued.

So that went well for me.

When the day of the gift exchange loomed nigh, I dutifully lugged my present to the bus and eventually down to Seattle. I tossed it in with the other gifts and hoped in a fit of selfishness that I would not be forced to relive the gift exchange from last year but secretly knew there was a high probability.

As I had expected, the gift I gave Marty (pizza making supplies) went down a treat. You see, we have been talking pizza for some months and I knew he needed a few things which was the reason I wanted his name at the start. To my astonishment I did not receive a $25 gift certificate to ANY restaurants. Nope.

I got a Ms Sassy Cat Pillow Pet which is hilarious in a completely WTF-made-you-think-of-ME-when-you-bought-this? sort of way. It was later explained to me that yes, it was a ridiculous gift but who else would appreciate a stuffed animal that, with the judicious application of velcro, can turn into a pillow?

It turns out they were right.

For some reason I cannot fully explain, I LOVE that thing. Here is a link for you to see what it looks like all Velcroed-up. It really is super-soft. And strangely, when it’s in Cat mode it almost looks like a real cat with a goofy face.

Aaaaaaaaand, that’s where the problem started.

In case you weren’t aware of it, I already have two goofy-faced cats (no Velcro needed) one of which looks suspiciously like Ms Sassy Cat. His name is Katzu.

He is not pleased with the Ms Sassy Cat Pillow Pet.

The first night I brought it home, I put it in the spot he usually sleeps (you know, for a laugh.) Not only did he hiss a little bit but after he realized it might not be a real cat but instead someone’s idea of a bad joke, he was so upset that he ignored me for the next two days.

Let me just re-iterate that we are talking about a cat that can be found waiting at the door for me everyday when I get home. Rarely does he let me out of his sight even to go pee. And now, thanks to Ms Sassy Cat Pillow Pet, he was no longer speaking to me. He sat on the end of the bed, pointedly turned away from me. Not purring, not moving. Nothing.

But alas, he is just a cat and the first really cold night after the arrival of MSCPP Katzu decided to be friends again. I am pretty sure this had something to do with my super-fuzzy blanket but I am big enough not to mention it. He still does not like the Pillow Pet though and I have to keep it slightly hidden or he will stalk off and go to sleep in the linen closet.

Catching up with today, it is my Birthday! Yay hooray!

Not really. It is Christmas Eve. Who wants to celebrate someone’s birthday on the day before CHRISTMAS ferchrist’s sake. (Um…that sentence seems a little wrong. Sorry baby Jesus) But that’s okay because my husband is very kind and giving and this year he and the kids gave me an iPod for listening to audiobooks on my morning commute. It is green and awesome.

You know how sometimes you get a little gift for someone but think it might be over-kill to give them a BIG gift and then tack on that little gift too? No? Well, okay, just bear with me then. When that happens in my family, those smaller gifts are always from the cats – complete with cards.

Over the past few years the gifts have remained small, usually socks or gloves, but the cards have morphed into something else. I can honestly say that if they had thumbs, brains and a Bic these cats would say exactly what has been written in their cards year after year, without fail (although they would probably coerce Brian into writing them anyway.) There is no way to describe the cat cards other than

“yep. exactly.”

This year, for my birthday Katzuhiro and India gave me pirate socks, bird-on-a-wire socks and cherry blossom socks. My card has a picture of 5 dogs on the front. Here is the inscription: