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I used to have a dog. He was a great dog. Not a perfect dog, but when it came to loyalty, my dog had everyone aced. His name was Chuck. Lucky Chuck, Chuckers, Chuck-a-buck-chase-a-truck, whatever. Oh, and Fat boy. Chuck and I came to live together through interesting circumstances. They went like this:

Me (reading paper): Says here there’s a “Black Lab amputee” needing a good home.

Still Me: That probably means he’s missing a leg right?

Me: Yeah, most likely. We used to live next to dog that was missing a leg, remember?

Still Me: Oh yeah! That bird dog, I can’t remember her name though…

Me: It was Birdy.

Still Me: Oh right! She was missing a back leg wasn’t she?

Me: Yep.

(Random guy walks up): Who are you talking to?

Me: Um, no one. Hey Guess what! I’m getting a three legged dog!

So Chuck came to live with me. We got along like a house on fire.

Now the thing about Chuck was that he was a substantial dog, weighing in around 96 pounds. His front right leg was missing so when he walked, he hopped forward on his good front leg. This made his big ears flop up and down to his own (more…)

Every once in a while I get that email that’s been traveling around the nettosphere for 15 years. You know the one I mean, that one that lists about 50 different ‘facts’ like where the phrase ‘the whole nine yards’ came from and why dogs turn around three times before they lay down or some such crap. And I thought to myself, “Self, how do you know if ANY of these things are true?” to which I replied “True that, self. This could all be a bunch of hooey. Like that email about the Swiffer wet-mop being lethal to house pets and so on..”

   Being of a scientific mind and possessing the need to share my wisdom with those around me I decided to publish my own list. And because it’s here on Snickerpants.com you can be assured that it’s 100% true because our motto here at the Local 425 is (more…)

By Kyril Bonfiglioli, narrated by Simon Prebble

This is the second book in Kryril Bonfiglioli’s Charlie Mordecai series. Published in 1976, this book was as funny today as it must have been thirty years ago. I’m assuming here since thirty years ago I was only 3 and I don’t think I would have understood many of the jokes.

Right, this was a one off, shot in the dark from my husband who came home from the Library and said “I saw this on the shelf and I thought it looked like you would like it.” He was right. Bonfiglioli has a wonderfully dry and delightfully English sense of humor. Charlie Mordecai is an English aristocrat living on the Isle of Jersey for reasons not understood (I am assuming that the reasons have been spelled out in the first book) when a serial rapist starts…well…raping the aristocratic women of the island. Things go from crazy to insane in short order with the main character keeping a stiff upper lip throughout most of the book. The only fault I found was the ending seeming somewhat heavy handed and a little more morbid than the preceding story could really pull off.

The reader, Simon Prebble, does an excellent job portraying all the characters. He swings from aristocratic pretension to back-alley Cockney thug to peasant Jersey pigeon French. I can’t decide if I would rather listen to him read this book out loud or read the language for myself. I think I’ll try reading the next Bonfiglioli book just to compare. Either way I recommend this book to those people interested in English humor.

I tried making up for Chuck’s sedentary lifestyle by taking him hiking in the afternoons. I figured out that the longer I walked him the better he would behave later. Eventually leading me to the discovery of the Universal Dog Equations:

Exercise = Good Dog
No Exercise = Bad Dog

Which, I hasten to add, can also be applied to small children with similar results.

Chuck hadn’t been too happy with our living arrangements either.  The Roommate drama had him stressed out very badly. And to add insult to injury, there were cats.

Big, beautiful, psychotic, evil, declawed cats.

They didn’t want to be friends with him. They didn’t like him. They didn’t even notice him half the time. He liked them anyway. He tried with dogged determination to sniff, lick or jovially harass them in any way possible but it never worked. They didn’t even care enough to get mad. Poor Chuck. One little nibble would have been enough but you can’t try to catch something that doesn’t have the decency to know when it’s being chased.

Once, I took Chuck to an Auto-parts store with me and decided to leave him tied to the front bike railing while I was in the store. I figured since the store had a huge front window he would be able to see me and he would be fine.

After 3 or 4 minutes the guys that worked there asked if I would like to bring my dog in the store. When I asked why (how did they even know I had a dog?) one of the guys told me that there was a huge black dog standing on his hind legs, pounding on the window trying to get at me.

I walked to the front of the store keeping just out of sight (maybe it wasn’t my dog after all?) I could see Chuck, towering over the window, punching it with his front paw. Every time he hit the window bowed in a little bit. When I stepped out so he could see me, he calmed right down.

The guys were relieved when I opted to bring him in the store

By Alexander McCall Smith, narrated by Lisette Lecat

We continue the Saga of Mma Ramotswe and Mma Makutsi in “In the Company of Cheerful Ladies”. I enjoy how McCall Smith weaves his mysteries and solves them simply, with few people getting hurt, but I admit that I enjoy the lives of the people more. ItCoCL introduces Mr. Polopetsi – a down on his luck man that Mma Ramotswe nearly kills by running his bicycle off the road. This “happy accident” brings another set of helping hands to the Tlokweng Road Speedy Motors garage to fill the void that Charlie (the eldest, empty-headed apprentice) leaves when he storms out after a fight with Mma Makutsi (He called her a Warthog. Scandalous!)

I’ve noticed the story of these people has matured into something less like mystery vignettes and more like real life. I appreciate this especially since it makes me want to read each next book more and more. In ItCoCL we also meet up with Mma Ramotswe’s first husband, the cruel Note Makuti. It is difficult to listen to the chapter when Mma Ramotswe has to face him again for the first time in years. McCall Smith does an excellent job turning this strong woman, whom we all respect and love, into a cowering girl again, afraid to stand up to a man that once beat her. In the end, Mma Ramotswe does resolve this problem, and many more in her clever and endearing way (read: I cried. But then again, I cry at a lot) And, as usual, Lisette Lecat gives an outstanding performance as narrator to this book on cd.

By Stan Lee, Wallace Wood, John Romita, Gene Colan & Friends

Let me just start by saying that no one can read these old black and white comics anymore and think “Wow! That’s one excellent piece of writing!” Because they’re not. They just aren’t. But, I can read them and think “Wow! What a piece of crap, I’m glad I read it!” Mainly because they are fun to read. Most of the villains are lame (The Leapfrog!?! C’mon, who puts steel springs on the soles of their shoes and then considers themselves to be a master criminal? Well, The Leapfrog, that’s who!) And Matt Murdock works with two of the thickest law set in the Universe. Karen Page even fell for the “I’m just going to wear this Daredevil costume to distract the bad guy until the real Daredevil shows up” lie, EVEN THOUGH Murdock is then spirited away (to a coliseum, to fight the Gladiator and a real lion, none the less) to Europe and doesn’t get home for almost two issues. Then, when he gets back he covers his absence by telling her that after playing a fake Daredevil for two minutes he decided that the strain of work was too much and so he had to go away to the beach for a few days without calling or writing or even bringing a change of underwear. but he DID leave a note with the usher, and So sorry she didn’t get it! And EVEN THOUGH while he was away, fighting the Plunderer in England, Spiderman decides to write to Matt Murdock and tell him that he knows he is Daredevil but will keep schtum for him, she almost buys his load of beach crap. But to really convince her and Foggy Nelson he pulls a fake I’ve-never-talked-about-him-because-he-wants-me-to-keep-quiet identical twin brother who is actually the real Daredevil, out of his ass. At that point they both fall for it hook line and sinker.

Oh Stan, Stan…Stan. How you just make shit up off the top of your head and fly by the seat of your pants. It truly is a work of art to witness someone try to bullshit so . . .publicly. It’s just great. Nowhere else are you going to see a blind man fly a plane by using his super-sensitive hearing and radar sense to tell where the needles are on their gauges and how close to the ground he is. Oh, and don’t get me started about the enormous robotic Owl that is the most dangerous and evil invention on the face of the planet, just like the optic vibra-ray and the vibrating ore that dismantles anything metal. I mean, HOW does he come up with all this stuff? It’s wonderful, and truly a piece of crap. Read it if you have any interest in the hysterical historical super-heroes.

By Graham McNamee; narrated by Scott Brick

I borrowed this book from the library because it was read by Scott Brick and I got to meet him at the San Diego ComiCon 2006. Which is a strange reason to pick up a book but I guess it beats judging it by the cover right? Which, in this case I probably would’ve put down because it’s a little on the cheesy side. Which just goes to show you why you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Acceleration was intended to be a young adult mystery thriller but I quite enjoyed it. It was a little sophomoric in it’s attitude towards work and in some of the decisions that some of the characters made. But, I think it was well within the scope of the book for the characters to act as they did. The one problem of incongruity that I found was the main character referring to many classic books of literature as if they were part of modern pop culture. The reason they are classics is because they are older and, well, classic. So it’s hard for me to accept a 17 year old knowing all the endings of books that I myself have only read recently (some as recent as June) I know kids read classics in English class but do they still read The Great Gatsby? I dunno anymore. Anyway, that said, I enjoyed this book quite a bit. The story starts with Duncan, the main character describing his job at the city of Toronto Subway system’s lost and found department as he finds a diary describing how the demented writer wanted to stalk and kill a woman. The story basically follows the lines of: Boy finds bad book; Boy takes it upon himself to find writer of said book and stop him; Boy finds writer and stops him (I’m not really giving anything away here because that’s the way it has to end, being recommended for ages 12-17 and all I didn’t think they were going to kill poor Duncan off or anything!)
The part that I really like is the way the author describes the characters living in “the Jungle” which is basically like the projects. But even though they live in the projects these kids don’t really see it as anything but living from day to day. McNamee portrays the mother and father as caring but working hard, like real people. I liked this story. The ending was even tense, just like and action thriller should be!

By Alexander McCall Smith; narrated by Lisette Lecat

So this is the first time I’ve listened to a book from the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series and I must admit, it was as well read as the Portuguese Irregular Verbs series. Even without reading the biography of the reader, Lisette Lecat, it is obvious that she has lived in Africa and understands the cadence of the Setswana speech. Masterful narration brings the characters that I already know and love, more life and meaning. I think I will round out the rest of the series with Lisette Lecat, she reads these books better than I could hope to!

At the beginning of TFCoL we again meet up with Mma Ramotswe and Mr. J.L.B. Matekone who are still engaged to be married. This has become somewhat of a sore point with Mma Ramotswe since she would like to eventually be a married lady, not just an engaged one and has many internal arguments with herself about how to correct this problem. We then follow Mr. J.L.B. Matekone to the Orphan farm where he is kindly pushed into agreeing to a parachute jump for the charity by the Orphan farm’s matron Mma Potokwane. This terrifying prospect is rivaled in fright only by the idea of actually telling Mma Potokwane that he will not jump, a situation that culminates in Mr. J.L.B. Matekone coming to terms with his own death. But of course his death does not happen and we see again how Mma Ramotswe saves her man from the dreaded parachute jump while helping the charity at the same time.
Mma Potokwane may be a pushy woman but she is a loving woman as well and it is through her guile and cleverness that we finally get those two long-engaged lovers to the alter. I won’t say more than that because how and when is a surprise (albeit, one that you can see coming a few paragraphs away)

TFCoL takes a marked turn in the No.1 LDA series from mostly mystery driven to mostly character driven storylines. Some may argue that the shift is slight but I felt a difference. Not an unwelcome difference though, the characters that people McCall Smith’s Botswana are always nice to have around.